August 9, 1969
Liverpool 2 (St John 28, 63) Chelsea 0
The Liverpool Crowed Roar On Their Team
While there’s talk of karma amongst sections of our worldly population, the karma suffered by Chelsea at Anfield was of the instant nature. Instant Karma? Might make a nice title for a song one day.
The bad karma befell upon the head of the usually reliable Chopper Harris. If the earth could swallow him up today, Harris would be handing out shovels to all forthcoming volunteers. On a brighter note for him his performance can only get better. It certainly can’t get any worse.
This was a match of few discernible chances. I counted four and two came out of nonsensical mistakes by Chelsea.
Liverpool’s first goal came after 28 minutes. Until then it was a semi gripping battle of the midfield without striving to force anyone to head to a nearby mountain top and exhale the plenitude of the spectacle. Quite the opposite in fact. If anyone had attempted such a folly they would’ve been shouted back into their seat with a cup of bovril permanently attached to their mouths for good measure.
You may gather from the above that the match was somewhat bereft of incident. Congratulations Sherlock, go to the front of the class where throwing paper missiles at you would be more easily accomplished.
Liverpool’s first goal came from a misunderstanding between Chelsea keeper Bonnetti and Harris on the edge of the box where the ball was in their total control. Liverpool’s St John was making a run towards them, more in token pressure than anything else.
In the next moment as the delirious local fans exhaled in exuberant laughter, St John had scored, Bonnetti was on his backside and Harris was facing the opposite way to the action. Perhaps Bonnetti was reiterating an existentialist comment by Satre, while Harris was politely objecting. Whatever the conclusion of such an interesting discussion, both refused to touch the round thing they were both being paid to touch, which allowed St John to politely take the ball away from both of them and slot it into an open goal. 1-0 to Liverpool.
Bonnetti and Harris? Safe as houses surely?
Real estate prices in the Chelsea borough take a tumble as St John sneaks in to score for Liverpool.
Chelsea tried to make amends near the end of the half as Osgood dribbled into the box and shot towards a corner of the goals. Tommy Smith cajoled his body towards the hurtling shot and got enough of a deflection to send the ball over the bar and into safety.
The second half didn’t present much of note either, the main event being a live surgical procedure carried out by Chopper Harris as he tried to lobotomise Hunt from the ankles upwards. It was crude in any definition of the word and he was duly punished with stern words by the referee. Meanwhile Hunt hobbled about for the rest of the match. Great decision referee.
Up stepped St John and sent it into the top corner. Two goals for St John and Liverpool and that’s how the game finished.
The before shot of Harris’ open air surgery
And the after shot. Where do I send in my money order for this miracle cure?
And what can the two sides take away from this match? For Liverpool it was the two points. For Chelsea perhaps that large hole on their faces can be used for more than downing pints. Maybe it can be used for communicating next time. It’s a crazy thought I know.
Liverpool: Lawrence, Lawler, Strong, Smith, Yeats, Hughes, Callaghan, Hunt, Graham, St. John, Thompson.
Chelsea: Bonetti, Hollins, Houston, Osgood, Dempsey, Harris, Cooke, Baldwin, Hutchinson, Houseman, Tambling.